Yesterday we celebrated Jackson and Stafford’s 5th birthday. I can hardly believe that it has been 5 years! Because the boys are not yet at the point where they can tell us what they want, we decided to take them to do one of their favorite activities, swimming! We booked an overnight stay at the Great Wolf Lodge (Friday Night). The kids LOVED it. Saturday we enjoyed the water park. Keeping up with them was quite a challenge, but Jon and I made it work! These boys will dart off in a second and Grace thinks she is an adult that can go wherever she wants. I have a few photos.. the highlight reel. However, what the photos do not show are the meltdowns when they could not do what they wanted and the number of times the lifeguards blew their whistles at them for the following:Trying to climb up slides, cutting lines, and running along the sectioned off edge of the wave pool. Jon just laughed at me as I ran around the waterpark with my hair on fire. However, overall, the kids enjoyed their time there and that’s ALL that matters.

Yesterday, we had the kids dedication at church (See dedication post). It was wonderful! We love our church family so much and feel blessed to have their love and support on this journey. Afterwards, we had some wonderful family time and celebrated the boys birthday. Once all the festivities were over, it hit me. Just like it does every year on their birthday, sadness. A sadness I can’t seem to shake despite my belief that God is going to heal them. Sad that I can’t ask them what their favorite part of the weekend was, sad that the progress has been so slow despite all our efforts and sad because I want to know more about them. As I’m typing this, a memory is coming to mind…(Probably God trying to stop me in my tracks)

A couple of years ago, I was getting breakfast together and Stafford did something that upset me and I snapped at him. He started to cry, I felt terrible. After consoling him, I walked around the corner where he couldn’t see me, I sat down and began sobbing. My daughter, Grace, came and sat beside me. “Mommy, what’s wrong?” To that I replied “I just wish the boys were like other boys their age, played like other boys their age, talked like other boys their age”… Grace paused for a second and then she responded…”MAYBE GOD’S PLAN IS BETTER THAN THAT”. She said it so clearly. I knew God was speaking to me through her. It was exactly what I needed to hear then and exactly what I needed to remember today. Thank you Jesus!

So today, just for a little while, I’ll just put my big sunglasses on and let the tears flow, BUT I won’t let my feelings effect my faith!

Lord, help me patiently wait with anticipation! Your timing isn’t my timing, but Your timing is always perfect. Help me not focus on what I can physically see but give me eyes of Faith; believing with confidence that a miracle is just around the corner! Thank you for your unfailing love and grace. Amen.